• dharma talk about covid-19

    Love In the Age of COVID (and what we can learn)

    March 17, 2020

    What can we learn about love from COVID-19? (A Dharma Perspective): Watch to learn more.

  • don't let work ruin your relationship title with dr. cheryl fraser

    Why Busy Couples Risk Disconnect and How to Fix It (Don’t Let Work Ruin your Relationship)

    February 25, 2020

    How busy couples risk disconnect (and how to fix it): Watch now.

  • seasons greetings from Dr. Cheryl Fraser

    Season’s Greetings!

    December 24, 2019

    Season’s Greetings from Dr. Cheryl Fraser and the Team: Watch now

  • How I Almost Quit Couples Therapy—and Love—Until Mindfulness Saved Me

    February 5, 2019

    How I Almost Quit Couples Therapy—and Love—Until Mindfulness Saved Me. Read the full article excerpted from Gottman.com

  • Slowing Your Mind is Great Foreplay

    December 5, 2018

    If you want to have sex more often, meditate. Say what?! The image of a stoic, cross-legged person suddenly leaping up, tearing off their comfy clothes and tackling their stunned (yet probably delighted) partner isn’t exactly commonly associated with mindfulness. Well, perhaps it’s time to change that. The proposed effects of meditation on the body and the mind have implications for both your interest in making love and your sexual pleasure itself. So that weekend silent retreat or weekly MBSR class can improve your sex life, if you want it to.

  • Touch More, Touch Often – The Science of Mindful Loving

    June 21, 2018

    I love to watch people touch the ones they love. When I witnessed the birth of my beloved friends’ daughter, the most poignant moment was watching the first-time father tear his shirt off and hold the minutes-old infant to his bare, receptive chest. Skin on skin, heart to heart. At our best, we intuitively use touch to span the distance between us. Two separate bodies and minds, me and you, become an “us” when we embrace. That which is broken—a promise, a skinned knee, even a heart—is coaxed toward fullness again in the incubator of a loved one’s arms.

    Since touching each other brings a multitude of emotional, physical, and social health benefits you’d think we’d be cuddling all the time. Yet our culture is touch-deprived.

  • When the Gloves Come Off – Can Meditation help you Fight Fair?

    May 3, 2018

    This morning I awoke feeling peaceful and happy. I smiled as I listened to the singing birds. Then I heard the revving of a garbage truck. Leaving. I turned toward the man I love and snapped, “Arg! You forgot to take the garbage out AGAIN didn’t you? You’re so lazy!” I jumped out of bed, grabbed the mutts and headed for the beach. I glowered at the overflowing trash cans, blaming them for not strolling to the curb. Then my angelic tufted-toed orange dog saw another canine. Instead of a wiggly hello, she barked and lunged. Like mother, like daughter.

    Let’s face it. Sometimes, despite the hours logged on the cushion, despite the meditation retreats, and certainly despite our best intentions, we don’t handle relationship conflict well. I’ve written a lot about how mindfulness makes us better lovers. But can it make us better “fighters”?

  • Rewire your Brain for Love – Don’t let old fears hijack your relationship

    May 2, 2018

    George was missing. The Disneyland hotel bed was crisply made but my sister’s security bear, loved and nuzzled into a sheepskin sphere with one weird glass eye, had vanished. A frantic call later, the smiling concierge appeared and placed a freshly laundered koala blob back into the waiting arms, and heart, of a tiny blonde girl. She slept, content, wrapped around her fuzzy friend.

    It’s endearing, isn’t it, when a child needs a stuffed toy to feel safe. Until the tantrums start and the kid can’t calm themselves without it. We adults are no different. Hey, we all want to feel safe and secure. That’s why we fall in love. Except sometimes falling in love makes us feel scared, not safe, and we act like a nutcase—wracked with insecurity and fears. Why?

  • Rituals that Connect can keep Love Vibrant and Alive

    May 1, 2018

    Three days a week, I trot up the cement stairs that separate my home from my office. I switch on the kettle and check that the Kleenex box is full. Next, with the ocean reflecting blues and grays on the window, I sit with my palm on my heart and reflect on love and happiness. And then I welcome the first couple of the day.

    “He never opens the car door for me anymore,” Desiree gripes. “Yah?” Scott huffs. “Well she says I can’t get a motorbike, and then yells because I don’t feel like some big anniversary party.” She shoots back, “I don’t even know who you are anymore.” And so it begins.

  • He Isn’t My Type. Can Love Work Without Chemistry?

    August 29, 2017

    Q – I’ve been dating a guy for a few weeks who is great on paper. We both love to travel and our kids are similar ages. but I am a little ashamed to say that he is not my physical type. Can love work without chemistry?

    A – It is said that the eyes are the window to the soul. Unfortunately, when it comes to dating, many potentially epic love affairs end before they start simply because we don’t like how he looks. Let me ask you this – if you were blind, would you find him attractive? Many people confuse good looks with attraction, and they are not the same. Sure, we turn our heads when a hunky man swaggers by, but if we talk to him he can quickly plummet from prince to toad -hot outside and empty inside. Alternatively, a guy with crooked teeth and a bit of a paunch can reveal confidence and playfulness that slide him into our heart, and into our bed.