“How do I stop fighting with my partner over little things?”
“How do you fight fair in a relationship?”
“How do I calm down during an argument with my partner?”
On this episode of Sex, Love & Elephants, Dr. Cheryl Fraser asks a simple question: when you argue with your partner, does it feel like you’ve boarded a runaway train you never chose to get on? Using that train analogy, Cheryl breaks down how small irritations, like an unloaded dishwasher or a little backseat driving, turn into big, damaging fights. She explains the difference between the data of what happened and the story we build around it, shares the case of a retired police officer who couldn’t let go of how the forks were loaded, and walks through two ways out: catching the irritation while it’s small, or getting off the train once it’s already moving. This episode is a preview of Cheryl’s free Learn to Fight Fair workshop.
In This Episode, You’ll Learn:
(00:00) The runaway train analogy, the “same argument, different day” pattern, and an invitation to Cheryl’s free Learn to Fight Fair workshop
(02:58) How small irritations like the dishwasher and backseat driving lead to big arguments, and why you should ask yourself whether you’d rather be happy or right
(07:33) Separating the data from the story, and how one detail about a speeding red car can change your whole perspective
(09:53) The train station analogy, how a story picks up speed until couples break up, and a retired police officer’s dishwasher standoff
(15:15) Cheryl’s “other side of the clock” technique for perspective taking, and why two different ways of doing things can both be right
(17:41) How to get off the train once you’re on it, why strong emotions take 20 to 30 minutes to settle in the body, and the value of a timeout
(20:26) Catching an argument two steps down the staircase, pulling emotional weeds while they’re small, a preview of the workshop, and today’s Love Byte
LEARN TO FIGHT FAIR: Free Live Workshop
Tired of having the same argument over and over? Join Dr. Cheryl Fraser’s free workshop and learn how to stop small irritations from turning into big fights.
✅ Stop arguments before they escalate
✅ Learn to apologize and forgive
✅ Free workbook included
👉 Register for Dr. Cheryl’s Free Fighting Fair workshop HERE
Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!
Are you and your sweetheart finally ready to join my Become Passion program? The doors open October 2026 ! click HERE to join the wait list!
Check out some testimonials from real couples just like you and your partner.
Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram
Let’s Connect!