ReBoot your relationship in 2023: Watch now.

Read more

ReBoot your relationship in 2023: Watch now.

Read more

A Special Holiday Message: Watch now.

Read more

Here’s what to do about the sex you’re not having: Watch now.

Read more

Lonely in your relationship? Here’s why you feel lonely and disconnected (and what to do about it): Watch now.

Read more

Learn how to get your Sex Life unstuck: Watch now.

Read more

Learn how to fix relationship resentment and anger: Watch now.

Read more

Learn WHY you’re irritated by your partner and what to do about it here: Watch now.

Read more

Does long term love have to be boring? find out here: Watch now.

Read more

Can’t orgasm with your partner? Here’s what to do about it: Watch now.

Read more

Want to know how to tackle tough topics with your conflict avoidant mate?: Watch now.

Read more

Not attracted to your partner? Here’s what to do about it: Watch now.

Read more

Learn how to practice Tantric Sex with your partner tonight! Watch now.

Read more

Want to learn how to WANT TO HAVE MORE SEX in your marriage? Watch now.

Read more

Are you in the right relationship? Click to find out: Watch now.

Read more

Couples who argue stay together… here’s why: Watch now.

Read more

Here are your top 5 love and sex questions answered in a brand new series 💞: Watch now.

Read more

In this video I explain WHY Will smith lost his mind and what we can learn from it: Watch now.

Read more

Learn how to argue like a grown-up, not a 4-year-old! Read and watch now

Read more

Listen to the latest episode here – https://shows.acast.com/sex-love-elephants-with-dr-cheryl/episodes/unhappy-in-life-or-love-rewrite-the-story-in-your-mind

Read more

Make your sweetie a stocking and win a prize! Watch now.

Read more

Want to reignite your the fire in your relationship? Here’s how: Watch now.

Read more

This is the #1 thing most couples ignore, learn how to avoid this mistake: Watch now.

Read more

Thank you to all the couples making love intentional (a special message for you): Watch now.

Read more

Want to fix your relationship? Here’s how: Watch now.

Read more

Want to re-ignite the spark in your relationship? Learn how right here: Watch now.

Read more

Did marriage kill your sex life? Sexless marriage is very common, let’s change that: Watch now.

Read more

Suffering from marriage boredom? You’re not alone, here’s what you can do about it: Watch now.

Read more

If you hate fighting this perspective might help you get UNSTUCK: Watch now.

Read more

Here’s what happens when a love doctor goes for therapy: Watch now.

Read more

Learn the 3 special ingredients to help you create a GREAT relationship: Watch now.

Read more

Learn the secrets to avoiding a mid-life divorce (hint: kill the soulmate!): Watch now.

Read more

How can I fix my sexless marriage? (this solution will reassure you): Watch now.

Read more

Learn how to overcome this destructive relationship argument style: Watch now.

Read more

Relationships are difficult and that’s normal. Here’s why and what you can do about it: Watch now.

Read more

Date night is a critical part of a romantic, sexy, fun relationship – here’s how to RIGHT: Watch now.

Read more

Learn how to have multiple orgasms and increase your pleasure Watch now.

Read more

Same arguments on repeat? Here’s what to do about it: Watch now.

Read more

Can you fix a troubled relationship? Find out now.

Read more

What exactly is Tantric Sex? And Should I Practice It?: Learn more.

Read more

Want to have sex more than your partner? Here’s how to handle changes in our partners desire: Watch now.

Read more

Learn about the #1 ingredient for relationship success : Watch now.

Read more

Can your relationship survive cheating? Find out now.

Read more

How do we stop fighting!? The answer may surprise you: Watch now.

Read more

Spice up your sex life with this introduction to SEX TOYS: Watch now.

Read more

Are you with the write person? The answer may surprise you: Learn more.

Read more

Reboot your relationship for 2021 and beyond: Here’s how.

Read more

A Holiday Message from the Become Passion team and I: Watch now.

Read more

Sex doesn’t have to feel like a chore. Here’s how to fix it: Watch now.

Read more

What causes you to say things you should never say and what can you do about it? Watch now.

Read more

Ready to fix your relationship? Watch now.

Read more

Do you feel like the constant fighting is leaving you feeling angry, anxious, or disconnected and hopeless? Watch now.

Read more

Making LOVE less than six times a year? You’re not alone if you rarely have sex… Learn More.

Read more

Affair Recovery 101 – On The Couch With Couples Like You: Watch now.

Read more

My personal journey from love disaster to exceptional passion: Learn more.

Read more

Learn why couples therapy fails to work and what to do about it: Watch now.

Read more

What should you do if you or your partner is a lazy lover?: Watch now to find out.

Read more

What should you do if you or your partner no longer wants to have sex?: Watch now.

Read more

I help dying relationships recover, here’s how: Watch now.

Read more

Learn how to work through long-distance relationships and your other Love & Sex questions answered: Watch now.

Read more

Learn the hugest mistake most couples make near summers end and what you can do about it: Watch now.

Read more

Take the PASSION to the next level by slowing things down, learn more: Watch now.

Read more

Want to jump-start romance and great sex? Here’s how: Watch now.

Read more

Learn how to increase the communication and emotional intimacy in your relationship: Watch now.

Read more

What do you do when your relationship hits a rough patch? Watch now to learn more.

Read more

Learn the solution to the biggest problem when it comes to aging and sexuality: Watch now.

Read more

2020 has been tough so far… here’s why it’s important to remember “FOR-PLAY” Watch now.

Read more

You are not broken if you have barely touched your partner in the last few weeks (or even months!). Learn how to Reboot your Desire: Watch now.

Read more

These destructive arguing styles can break you up. Learn what they are and what you can do about it: Watch now.

Read more

Does familiarity breed contempt? A lot of couples are struggling with too much time together right now, learn how to fix it: Watch now.

Read more

Arguing more? Silent Treatment? Isolating can be hard here’s what to do when you mess up: Watch now.

Read more

Learn more about how your Ego destroys the love and happiness around you: Watch now.

Read more

Learn a simple formula that will help you break free from negative emotions: Watch now.

Read more

Is happiness really a choice? It’s up to you: Watch now

Read more

Learn how to step into your best self during this difficult, challenging, uncertain time: Watch now.

Read more

What can we learn about love from COVID-19? (A Dharma Perspective): Watch to learn more.

Read more

Learn how to bring the vacation mojo home with you: Watch now.

Read more

How busy couples risk disconnect (and how to fix it): Watch now.

Read more

What can you do if you are not “In Love” with your partner anymore?Watch my latest LoveByte to find out: Watch now.

Read more

How to fix the #1 bedroom complaint of couples (hint – Golfers know the answer!) Watch now.

Read more

Falling in love is easy, but staying in love is hard. Learn how to fall in love again with the one you are with.

Read more

Rarely making love anymore? Learn what you can do about it from the sex experts: Watch now.

Read more

Learn how to buffer your relationship against betrayal. Watch my latest LoveByte: Watch now.

Read more

Why you must tell your mate how you feel to keep love alive… Watch my latest video to learn more: Watch now.

Read more

Want to have more and better sex in 2020? Watch my latest LoveByte to learn how: Watch now.

Read more

Are you keeping THRILL alive? Take the Passion Quiz and Find out: Watch now

Read more

Season’s Greetings from Dr. Cheryl Fraser and the Team: Watch now

Read more

Learn how to cultivate the Intimacy side of the Passion Triangle: Watch now.

Read more

Passion is possible. Watch my latest Video to learn how to Cultivate it: Watch now.

Read more

Here’s a simple way to increase your attraction to your mate (GUARANTEED): Watch now.

Read more

Learn exactly how meditation will improve your erotic life: Watch now.

Read more

Conflict is inevitable but while some conflict will break you up, some can actually bring you together. Watch my latest LoveByte to learn more: Watch now.

Read more

Do healthy couples argue? Find out here: Watch now.

Read more

The secret to gourmet lovemaking? Unleash your Dark Sexual Energy. Here’s how: Watch now.

Read more

“I want sex more often than my partner does…” Here’s how you can re-ignite the flames: Watch now.

Read more

Watch this quick video and learn the tool I use over and over in my couples therapy office to turn wishy-washy to 100% committed: Watch now.

Read more

Watch this quick video and learn the tool I use over and over in my couples therapy office to turn Conflict into Collaboration: Watch now.

Read more

Kill the Soulmate Myth. Here’s a simple tool to help you save your relationship: Watch now

Read more

The Top 5 Love And Sex Problems (Solved): Watch now.

Read more

Can you love your perfectly imperfect partner – for better or worse, in sickness and in health? You can. Here’s how.

Read more

What can you do if you are not “In Love” with your partner anymore?Watch my latest LoveByte to find out: Watch now.

Read more

Don’t feel like making love? Here’s what to do about it: Watch now….

Read more

Learn more about why Passion fades, and what you can do about it: Watch now….

Read more

Learn more about the Biochemistry of Lust and Love and how to Fall in Love Again Watch now….

Read more

Watch this short video to learn what you can do to bring Tantric connection into your love life Watch now….

Read more

“My wife wants to open the relationship. Is our marriage over?”. For more on this hot topic read my latest article.

Read more

Tend to your “Love Boat”- so it doesn’t end up on the rocks! Here’s how….

Read more

How can you keep love new and exciting?Watch this video to learn how.

Read more

Are you stuck in
marriage, incorporated? if so, it’s time to create passion, incorporated.

don’t let monogamy get dull. There is sun under the clouds…click here to uncover it..

Read more

What Business Success and Love Success have to do with each other Listen to the full episode on the SweetLife Podcast here.

Read more

The honeymoon phase ends – then what? you can maintain passion. Cultivate thrill, Intimacy and Sensuality…and play with taboo. Listen to the full podcast episode here.

Read more

What is Tantric Sex anyway, and why would you want to practice it? hmmm…how about orgasmic bliss?Click here to watch the video now.

Read more

Make a career out of being an awakened lover (because happiness begins at home, not at the office). Watch the full interview with Tony from Execunet..

Read more

If you look for what’s wrong with your sweetheart, you will find it. So instead, look for what’s right!

Read more

Can love last a lifetime? You bet it can. I watched it, as a kid growing up. My grandparents, Norm and Evelyn, were the couple who helped me believe that love and passion can last forever. Click here to watch the video now.

Read more

In a recent interview with Women’s Radio Speak Up! I had the opportunity to teach on how to re-ignite the passion we think we have lost and how to fall in love all over again with the one we are with because it turns out that great love – and sex – are all in our head! Read on to listen to the full interview.

Read more

I had the pleasure of appearing on Michelle Skeen’s radio show and podcast Relationships 2.0. We had an in depth conversation about Buddha’s Bedroom, read on to access the full podcast episode in iTunes or your favourite App.

Read more

How I Almost Quit Couples Therapy—and Love—Until Mindfulness Saved Me. Read the full article excerpted from Gottman.com

Read more

New Harbinger published an article I wrote titled “Passion In 2019”. Read on to access the full article.

Read more

Spirituality and Health – published an excerpt from Buddha’s Bedroom on Tantric Meditation & Orgasmic Bliss. Read on to learn more…

Read more

Here’s How to Know If You’ve Found the Person You’re Meant to Be With
First, kill the soulmate fantasy. Then, ask these questions.

Read more

If you want to get in the mood, there are two keys to start your erotic engine – the Desire Key and the Arousal Key. Watch this video to learn more about Arousal and Desire and how to re-ignite the passion you used to feel: Click here to watch the video now.

Read more

You can make your relationship more fun, sexy and passionate in 2019 – if you Plan for Passion. Click here to watch the video now.

Read more

Make The New Year Passionate! (and find out why I cried when I opened a box today) Click here to watch the video now.

Read more

The Greatest Gift You Can Give Is The Gift Of Presence. Want to learn more? Click here to watch the video now.

Read more

Happy Holidays from Dr. Cheryl. Click to watch the video now.

Read more

Get your love off the back burner by taking action. Order Buddha’s Bedroom today and get an amazing gift! Click here to watch the video now.

Read more

If you want to have sex more often, meditate. Say what?! The image of a stoic, cross-legged person suddenly leaping up, tearing off their comfy clothes and tackling their stunned (yet probably delighted) partner isn’t exactly commonly associated with mindfulness. Well, perhaps it’s time to change that. The proposed effects of meditation on the body and the mind have implications for both your interest in making love and your sexual pleasure itself. So that weekend silent retreat or weekly MBSR class can improve your sex life, if you want it to.

Read more

Today I want to talk about the greatest couples apology template I can offer you. A simple 3 step process for apologizing to begin the healing process in your relationship. Click here to watch the video now.

Read more

Today’s video is all about Love and Passion and the difference between Desire and Arousal. In this video you’ll also learn how to get turned on if you’re in a long term relationship. Click here to watch the video now.

Read more

Summer is a state of mind. This video is all about how summer spices up your love life and how it doesn’t have to end there. It’s about prioritizing your lover life. Click here to watch the video now.

Read more

Today I’m going to share a video with you about the three keys to passion and my top tips on how to keep things spicy, fun and romantic with your partner over the long term. The video will teach you about the 3 specific things you can do to re-ignite Passion with your Sweetheart. Click here to watch the video now.

Read more

All couples argue. The question is, are you simply a fiery emotional pair? Think about those movie scenes where she yells at him, he shouts back that he won’t put up with this anymore, and suddenly they’re kissing passionately. If this is you, disagreement may be your idea of foreplay. But be careful; sticks and stones break bones, but sometimes words really can scar souls and break marriages.

Here’s my diagnosis: Your fights are healthy if they are infrequent, brief and—despite raised voices and heated words—end up in a resolution where both of you feel loved and heard…and then maybe even have great make-up sex. Your fights are unhealthy if they often involve name-calling or threats to end the relationship, or if they are not resolved and leave one of you feeling frustrated or wronged. In essence, does the fight bring you closer, or push you apart?

Read more

I love to watch people touch the ones they love. When I witnessed the birth of my beloved friends’ daughter, the most poignant moment was watching the first-time father tear his shirt off and hold the minutes-old infant to his bare, receptive chest. Skin on skin, heart to heart. At our best, we intuitively use touch to span the distance between us. Two separate bodies and minds, me and you, become an “us” when we embrace. That which is broken—a promise, a skinned knee, even a heart—is coaxed toward fullness again in the incubator of a loved one’s arms.

Since touching each other brings a multitude of emotional, physical, and social health benefits you’d think we’d be cuddling all the time. Yet our culture is touch-deprived.

Read more

This morning I awoke feeling peaceful and happy. I smiled as I listened to the singing birds. Then I heard the revving of a garbage truck. Leaving. I turned toward the man I love and snapped, “Arg! You forgot to take the garbage out AGAIN didn’t you? You’re so lazy!” I jumped out of bed, grabbed the mutts and headed for the beach. I glowered at the overflowing trash cans, blaming them for not strolling to the curb. Then my angelic tufted-toed orange dog saw another canine. Instead of a wiggly hello, she barked and lunged. Like mother, like daughter.

Let’s face it. Sometimes, despite the hours logged on the cushion, despite the meditation retreats, and certainly despite our best intentions, we don’t handle relationship conflict well. I’ve written a lot about how mindfulness makes us better lovers. But can it make us better “fighters”?

Read more

George was missing. The Disneyland hotel bed was crisply made but my sister’s security bear, loved and nuzzled into a sheepskin sphere with one weird glass eye, had vanished. A frantic call later, the smiling concierge appeared and placed a freshly laundered koala blob back into the waiting arms, and heart, of a tiny blonde girl. She slept, content, wrapped around her fuzzy friend.

It’s endearing, isn’t it, when a child needs a stuffed toy to feel safe. Until the tantrums start and the kid can’t calm themselves without it. We adults are no different. Hey, we all want to feel safe and secure. That’s why we fall in love. Except sometimes falling in love makes us feel scared, not safe, and we act like a nutcase—wracked with insecurity and fears. Why?

Read more

Three days a week, I trot up the cement stairs that separate my home from my office. I switch on the kettle and check that the Kleenex box is full. Next, with the ocean reflecting blues and grays on the window, I sit with my palm on my heart and reflect on love and happiness. And then I welcome the first couple of the day.

“He never opens the car door for me anymore,” Desiree gripes. “Yah?” Scott huffs. “Well she says I can’t get a motorbike, and then yells because I don’t feel like some big anniversary party.” She shoots back, “I don’t even know who you are anymore.” And so it begins.

Read more

Love boredom runs rampant both outside and inside the bedroom. And while it seems like a mystery – how the thrill doesn’t last forever – there is a simple, and correctable, cause.

The romance didn’t pack its black lacey self up and crawl out the bedroom window – you stopped making loving effort. Your neglected romance got kicked into the corner of your closet, sharing space with the lonely unmatched socks who are missing their mates as much as you are missing yours. You lost that loving feeling because you got complacent.

Read more

This Valentine’s Day Forget Chocolate – Practice Mindful Sex

Have you ever had an orgasm while meditating? One of my students reports that her inner peace sometimes comes with a side dish of Oh My! She worried that she was weird, and asked “isn’t mindfulness about, well, the mind? Why do I get turned on?” As a sex therapist and meditation teacher, it drives me crazy that the topic of sex is avoided in discussions of mindfulness. If arousal is mentioned at all, it’s like a repeat of the bad advice we got in seventh-grade sex-ed class – sex is dirty, don’t think about it, nice meditators hang out in the mind, not the messy ole’ body. This leads to the confusion expressed by my student. But meditation is not meant to be a disconnected head-trip – it is about direct, embodied experience of what is occurring right now. And if right now you are making love, sexual pleasure can become a fabulous meditation object.

Read more

I’ve been divorced for over a year, and I find myself attracted to my best friend. He has been with me through thick and thin. All my girlfriends say “don’t do it!” Should I?

Read more

Welcome back to another Video LoveByte where I answer your most burning Love and Relationship questions.

Today’s question comes from Tanya and she asks:

“What’s the number one thing that’s going to kill my mans desire for me?”

In this video I’ll share TWO of the biggest reasons why your partner may be feeling less horny towards you…and you toward him.

(This may surprise you)

Watch the full video on YouTube here.

Read more

Q: I have always been able to have an orgasm when I masturbate, but I rarely come during intercourse. My husband wants us to have mutual orgasms and I feel like I am letting him down. Am I normal?

A: In a word,yes. The majority of women-research indicates up to 80% – cannot reach orgasm through intercourse alone (or do so only occasionally). Listen up. Fewer than a quarter of women can come through thrusting alone; no matter how big his penis is, no matter how long he lasts, and no matter how you feel about him. The clitoris is the female sex organ; that is where the majority of the nerve endings that lead to orgasm are found. It is not located in the vagina, but outside and above it a few centimetres. When you touch yourself, you know exactly how hard or soft, slow or fast, to touch, and orgasms become easy. In most sexual positions with your partner, the penis does not provide adequate direct or indirect stimulation (pressure, rubbing) on the clitoris to lead to orgasm. Your hubby is frustrated that you don’t come together, but I suspect you are even more discouraged that you don’t come at all.

Read more

All couples argue. The question is, are you simply a fiery emotional pair? Think about those movie scenes where she yells at him, he shouts back that he won’t put up with this anymore, and suddenly they’re kissing passionately. If this is you, disagreement may be your idea of foreplay. But be careful; sticks and stones break bones, but sometimes words really can scar souls and break marriages. Here’s my diagnosis… Your fights are healthy if they are infrequent, brief and—despite raised voices and heated words—end up in a resolution where both of you feel loved and heard…and then maybe even have great make-up sex. Your fights are unhealthy if they often involve name-calling or threats to end the relationship, or if they are not resolved and leave one of you feeling frustrated or wronged. In essence, does the fight bring you closer, or push you apart?

Read more

Q: My husband is a naked kind of guy. I’d rather have the lights out and make love under cover. How can I get comfortable in my own skin?

A: You are not the first woman to confess that she can barely bare it all. We actually live in a fairly frigid culture, and I am not referring to the winters in Iqaluit. Despite the popularly bandied belief that sexualized media and prolific pornography indicate an ease with all things sexual, at heart North America is still more Victorian than Victoria Secret. Sure, fashions and attitudes have changed dramatically; our great grandmothers would have been scandalized if a sister flashed too much ankle, and now our daughters flaunt cleavage, belly-button jewelry, and visible underwear everywhere. However, rapid social change is an external phenomenon. Internally and psychologically, many women have not kept pace. After all, for our generation “thongs” were rubber sandals. We may wish to feel comfortable flaunting our erotic selves, but we still carry some of the old embarrassment in our DNA. In other words, even liberated women can feel pretty uptight.

Read more

So you’re in a relationship and you’ve got doubts… you ask yourself:

“Am I with the right person? How do I know if they’re my soul mate?”

A lot of you asked a variation of this question and in today’s video I’m going to answer this as well as debunk one of the greatest myths of our time. The myth of the soulmate.

I’m also going to share a little exercise you can use right away to help you gain some clarity and quickly figure out if you’re with the right person in under 5 minutes.

Watch the full video on YouTube here.

Read more

Q: This summer was great; my husband and I camped, played golf, and had a lot more sex. Now that we are returning to the daily grind I’m afraid we will slide back to making love once a month. How can I keep us connected?

A: It sounds like you experienced the vacation fling phenomenon: couples needing to get away in order to get it on. The ingredients are simple: take away work demands, interrupt daily routine, create time and space, and have fun exploring new things. Mix together and voila, we get two relaxed happy people who want to play. And making love should be play, not work.

Read more

Q – After an unexpected divorce and two years of healing, I am ready to be in another relationship. But I have not been on a “date” since my teens! At 47, can I really find love on the internet?

A – In a word, yes. Marriages that began as a click on an internet profile are increasingly common. Why? Because adults today tend to have a limited social world, at least in terms of old fashioned face-to-face contact. We work, we parent, we see our girlfriends, and we don’t get out for anything else. We watch movies at home, we bank and order groceries on the computer, and we send texts rather than talk. Tangled in the World Wide Web, we seem more connected but are more isolated than ever. So how’s a girl ever gonna meet a guy? Forget the cute outfit honey; get thee to thy keyboard. Introducing your new matchmaker; your laptop.

Read more

Q – How can I get my sex life back after the birth of my next child? Our daughter is 4, and we joke about “before Lola and after Lola” in terms of how becoming parents seemed to kill our passion. Now we are preparing for number two, and I am afraid we’ll never make love again.

A – Well, mommy, you are stuck between being a parent and being a Lover. Research shows that the greatest drop in marital satisfaction comes after the birth of the first child. (from research by John Gottman, Seattle Marital Institute, quoted in his books) How sad that something as wonderful as parenthood can deeply undermine the loving bond a couple had before there were three. Kids can kill not only your sex life, but your Lover life. Being a Lover is an active process; a verb, not a noun. You both need to cultivate passion and intimacy – it is not going to just show up when you are in the middle of breastfeeding and burping, hockey practice and homework.

Read more

Q – I’ve been dating a guy for a few weeks who is great on paper. We both love to travel and our kids are similar ages. but I am a little ashamed to say that he is not my physical type. Can love work without chemistry?

A – It is said that the eyes are the window to the soul. Unfortunately, when it comes to dating, many potentially epic love affairs end before they start simply because we don’t like how he looks. Let me ask you this – if you were blind, would you find him attractive? Many people confuse good looks with attraction, and they are not the same. Sure, we turn our heads when a hunky man swaggers by, but if we talk to him he can quickly plummet from prince to toad -hot outside and empty inside. Alternatively, a guy with crooked teeth and a bit of a paunch can reveal confidence and playfulness that slide him into our heart, and into our bed.

Read more

Does the sex have to get boring? If so, what do you do? In today’s video I’ll answer that question as well as give you the latest update on my newest offering, the video LoveByte Q&A series – click here to watch now

Read more

What’s the dumbest argument you’ve ever had with a partner? Mine happened in a little blue convertible, driving to my former boyfriend’s cabin. We were in love, but we clashed often. We stopped for ice cream, and he brought me the wrong flavor. I complained loudly, he fired back. Then he reached over, took the sundae, and threw it out of the moving car. I stared at him in open-mouthed shock. Then I clearly saw how our discontented minds caused the harsh words and deeds. In that moment I had a choice. I could keep criticizing, or I could contact my heart. So I laughed, he relaxed, and I pledged to learn to fight fair.

Sure, I am a love expert now, but the truth is, I used to have tumultuous relationships. I mistook tantrums for passion. As for make up sex? Overrated.

Read more

Valentine’s Day—a sweet sexy reminder to wow your mate with passion and appreciation, or a Hallmark holiday that pressures you to cough up romance on demand? Your response to this single-item test is telling. Sure, it’s easy to be cynical on February 14 and ignore the whole thing, or grab a random card because if you don’t your partner pouts until spring. But if you see only the superficialities, you are missing the possibilities. For love itself is…well, great, and celebrating is not cliché. So this year, instead of refusing to participate, use Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to love mindfully.

My granddad Norman was great at mindful loving. He first laid his sparkling blue eyes on my petite blonde grandmother Evelyn at a Valentine’s dance.

Read more

Shaun Cassidy, teen singing idol and one of TV’s sexy Hardy Boys, was my soulmate. There I was clad in the kilt and knee socks of a private school girl, lusting over this blue-eyed heartthrob and completely convinced we would fall in love. He would meet my deepest desires (and based on the surprisingly explicit fantasies I penned starring him and me, those desires needed meeting). When he whisked me away to his Beverly Hills mansion I would know and be known. Mated at the soul level, I would never feel alone again.

Turns out Shaun was not my soulmate.

Read more

It’s a funny thing about couples and travel. Currently, I’m on a smooth flight to New Orleans, but last night my beloved man and I narrowly escaped an emotional plane crash. Mindful Loving averted an argument that could have left both of us hurt, stewing, and disconnected for our whole week apart. What happened? Unexpected work issues made him 2 hours late for our last night together. I’d been looking forward to our romantic romp all day, and when I got his text 20 minutes after I’d expected him to walk through the door saying he still an hour away I flooded with negative emotion. And then I called him (which was a very bad idea). I let him know I was angry and hurt, and I didn’t use my nice psychologist voice. But then a miracle occurred. Instead of escalating the turbulence, I suddenly paused and said “I don’t want to fight. I’m going to hang up now and see you in a bit”. Why? Because I’ve seen this pre-flight movie way too many times before. And it doesn’t have a happy ending.

Read more

Q – I want my mate to meditate. He’s a great partner in many ways, but we don’t fit philosophically. I teach mindfulness to at-risk youth and he is a high-stakes investment guy. I keep asking him to join me on the cushion, but he says it isn’t for him. How can I change his mind?

A – Since cave-boy first met cave-girl, partners have been trying to change each other. If only he or she liked dinosaur-knuckle stew, or would enjoy those William Shakespeare plays with me, or wanted to adopt a parrot. Or would learn to meditate. Sigh. So much relationship misery is caused by our attempts to fix our mate. But beware of the insidious if only. This thinking points to the fatal flaw in the scramble to live a pain-free life. It has an inherent assumption that sets you up for suffering – If only the one I love would change, then I would be happy.

Read more

I was never one of those girls who dreamed of my wedding day. I was an independent tomboy who spent my time wrangling horses and existential angst. As a young woman I called marriage “The M Word”. Then I walked into a play reading and an incorrigible green-eyed actor took one look at me and proclaimed to his friend “I’m going to marry that woman”. A year later we eloped to Greece.

Read more

My best friend Lori, whom I met in a Scottish highland dancing class when we were nine years old, has a strange hobby. She runs 100-mile ultra marathons in the mountains. For fun. I know, crazy, right? Because I’m the sane one, my hobby is to train my dog, or perhaps she trains me, in agility. That’s where my leopard-spotted rescue mutt joyfully runs through tunnels and zooms over teeter-totters while I puff to keep up. Another hobby is my love life. That’s where I train my sweetie, or perhaps he trains me, in all things sensual and connective. We learn new communication techniques, we make time for lovemaking (which occasionally involves a teeter-totter or puffing to keep up), and we plan romantic adventures together.

But wait. Can your love life be a hobby? You bet it can.

Read more

People often ask me what sex and meditation have to do with each other. A lot! I want to holler. But since my meditation teacher side is not supposed to holler, I calmly explain that mindfulness is not meant to be a disconnected head-trip. In addition to mind, we are to embody fullness by bringing rapt attention to all five senses. Then my noisier sex therapist side chimes in that we do have a naked body under those yoga clothes, and that it would be a shame to waste it. Which brings us to mindful loving.

Imagine meditating on something as simple as a raisin. Truly see its wrinkly beauty, smell vineyards and sunlight, caress it with your tongue, hear a slight sigh as you bite down, and taste the flood of sweet textured release. Mmm. Well, you just made love with that raisin.

Read more

You are sitting on your meditation cushion, at one with your breath. You feel good—mindfulness is working! Right here right now there is nothing more interesting than this very moment.

Suddenly you hear a voice you know so well, asking for the hundredth time “Honey, have you seen my keys?” You now spend your time wondering was this man, who counts picking up the car from the mechanic as a date, this woman, who forgets to feed the cat but knows the plot of every reality TV show, really once the most fascinating person in the world?

Read more

Q I am in my 30’s and just went on a date with a really great guy, the first good one I’ve met in a long time. But I’m not sure if he is “The One”. I don’t want to settle if he isn’t my Soulmate. Am I being too picky?

A Sometimes I think the women of the world should file a class-action lawsuit against Mr. Walt Disney. Why? Because even 78 years after the movie Snow White hit the big screen, generations of little girls weaned on princess movies still truly believe someday their Prince will come. And any guy who isn’t everything she ever dreamed of gets booted straight into the frog-pond.

And don’t fool yourself into thinking the Soulmate myth is only held by little girls. Male or female, gay straight or bi, most of us are walking around seeking the perfect mate. Wake up people. There is no such thing as a “Soulmate”. No human can live up to the picture that you have created in your head.

Read more

The other day I gave in to a junk food craving. After a day of clean eating – kale smoothies, quinoa vegetarian chili, fresh fruit – a little voice said “come on, you know you want to” and I was seduced. Before I knew it I was munching on balsamic and pepper kettle chips and nuclear-orange cheesies. The next morning I woke up feeling bloated and unpleasant. Hmm, no kidding. Like my Granny often said, Garbage In, Garbage Out.

So how does my lapse in compassionate eating relate to mindfulness practice? Well, for both mind and body, you are what you eat. What we consume mentally influences how the mind feels –

Read more

Q: I’m a wife, mother, and bank manager and these days I feel like I am failing at all of it. I meditate each morning and do yoga, but I’m still tired, stressed and cranky and I drop more balls than I catch. Why am I so lousy at having it all?

A: You can have it all, providing the “all” includes a nervous breakdown. Forget life-work balance. Whoever came up with that concept needs to straddle a see-saw for a few moments and discover that a balancing act is inherently precarious, exhausting, and impossible to maintain. Many female patients come to me for help with anxiety and exhaustion. They are wracked with guilt that they can’t find time to make homemade cupcakes for the school bake sale because they have a year-end report to write.

Read more

I used to date a man who had old world manners to accompany his old world charm. He always held the door for me, both in the world of walking and when we rode in a car. When I complimented him on this, he told a story of his best friend whose boyfriend repeatedly complained that she slammed the car door when she got into his passenger seat. She asked my then boyfriend – “so is he right? Do I slam the door when I ride with you?” My friend smiled and replied “have you ever touched your own door handle around me?” And she realized she hadn’t. When she rode with him, he opened the door, waited patiently until she was settled inside, and then closed it, softly, behind her. No slamming involved.

Read more

Tantra is a Sanskrit word that means “woven together”. Buddhist meditation practitioners use sexual union as a metaphor for weaving the physical together with the spiritual; weaving man to woman, and humankind to the divine. Sexual Tantra is a form of sacred sexuality in which a couple shares slow, non-orgasmic intercourse as a prelude to an experience of bliss and emptiness. So yes, Tantric sex is an erotic practice that you and your partner can explore. But remember, the purpose is to become enlightened, not to win an Olympic medal for carnal gymnastics.

Read more

So you saw the movie Fifty Shades of Gray, and it turned you on. Now you find yourself fantasizing more often. You are wondering whether it is normal to be so stimulated by the idea of your man telling you what to do in bed. Well, welcome to the world of sexual fantasy. Yes, it is normal to fantasize…

Read more

So there I was, looking for truth at the foot of the Himalayas, dodging soccer playing little-boy monks as I chased the wicked monkey who had swiped the last bit of gourmet chocolate from my windowsill (stupidly left unlatched by this naïve Canadian seeker), and the big wisdom coming down on me was – wow, I should have had less yak butter tea, because it’s freaking cold and I badly need to pee. And the outhouse is halfway down the rickety monastery staircase. Next to a pig. And all I really want to do is get to the delusionally-named internet café (one desk one monolithic computer one dial-up line and no coffee) so I can commune with the toe-curlingly wonderful man back home that I am falling in love with.

If that isn’t a how did I get here moment, I don’t know what is. So here’s how.

Read more