Help! I Want Sex - They Don't!

Help! I Want Sex—They Don’t! Your Love & Sex Questions Answered

“Dr. Cheryl, I want sex more than my partner does… help!” You wouldn’t believe how often I get this question in its many forms. Whether you’re the partner feeling guilty for your lacking libido or the partner with the insatiable drive—YOU. ARE. NORMAL. Yes, both of you!

For the next few weeks, I’m sharing answers to some of the most asked sex and love questions I’ve heard in my career. These are the questions I hear over and over again, regardless of the time or place, answered for you and your honey.

Today, I’m talking all about sex drive. I’m busting myths about the libido differences in men and women, the idea that men are dogs who crave constant sex, and that women have fundamentally different sex drives. Spoiler alert: It’s all bullshit!

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

  • If you and your partner have sex drive differences, you are normal (02:39)
  • Despite the prevailing popular belief, gender has no real bearing on one’s sex drive (04:31)
  • It’s totally normal for spontaneous lust to wane over the course of a long term relationship (07:15)
  • Cultivating responsive desire involves scheduling sex—even when we don’t feel like it (08:10)
  • There is no quick fix to sexual desire differences, but there are a number of steps that you can utilise to help reignite a fizzling flame (10:28)
  • Never say “I’m not in the mood” ever again (11:53)
  • This week’s LoveByte (17:51)


  • My partner and I never have spontaneous sex anymore, is this normal? In long term relationships, it’s completely normal for spontaneous desire to wane. Try scheduling love making into your routine.
  • Help! I feel so guilty when my sweetheart wants sex and I don’t! There’s no quick fix for a difference in sexual desire, but realize that it has nothing personally to do with either of you.
  • How can I get my mate to want sex as much as I do? While you and your honey may always have differences in sex drive, start out by trying regularly sechduled “sex dates” and see where you evolve from there. 

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