Are you guilty of judging others for their primary response when they are flooded? Next time you find yourself judging a friend, couple, ex, or anyone else for acting irrationally when experiencing high emotions, STOP and take a good look in the mirror! Think back on a fight with your current or previous partner – what was the ugliest, most hurtful thing that you said or did when you were flooded? What did they say or do to you? Was your primary response fight, flight, or freeze?
On last week’s episode, I talked all about the science behind why Will Smith slapped Chris Rock at the Oscars. To sum it up: Will Smith was triggered when Chris Rock spoke about his wife. Will, became flooded by his emotions and went into the primary response of FIGHT. If you want to learn more about what flooding is and the role it played in the infamous slap, be sure to check out last week’s episode.
Today, I’m talking all about what couples can do when either one or both partners are flooded. Having the tools to handle difficult, emotional arguments with your partner can completely transform your relationship. I can almost guarantee if you learn this ONE powerful relationship tool – that you will never have an ugly, irrational, hurtful fight again. I explain how logic takes over our brain when we are flooded, why we are most likely to become flooded in our romantic relationships, the three ways our body reacts when we are flooded, what the Time Out technique is, and when couples should utilize it.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
How logic flees the building so we can make bad decisions when we are flooded (4:33)
To look back on an example in your current or previous relationship where you or your partner were flooded (6:31)
Why situations surrounding our romantic and sexual relationships are where we are most likely to become flooded (8:32)
The three ways that our body may decide to react when we are flooded (11:10)
What the Time Out technique is and when couples should use it (21:01)
This week’s LoveByte (31:34)
Q&A:
In what situations am I most likely to become flooded? Because we are our most vulnerable in our romantic and sexual relationships, our emotions are more likely to become triggered surrounding conversations or situations that involve them. This is another factor as to why Will Smith became flooded when Chris Rock spoke about his wife.
What are the reactions and behaviors when we are flooded? Our body can respond in one of three different ways: fight, flight, or freeze. Whichever response you find yourself doing most often is your primary response, this is our animal brain taking over.
What can I do when I become flooded while communicating with my romantic partner? The Time Out technique! If you are flooded, it is likely that you are not able to communicate effectively. Agree with your partner on a symbol or word that means “We need to take a timeout” that can be used when one or both of you is flooded – and yes, the “We” is necessary. When either of you use this symbol or word, you then both take 30 minutes by yourself to do things that soothe you, in order to return to the issue in a more calm, and reasonable mindset.
Resources mentioned:
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