The Second Key To Passion: Thrill

The Second Key to Passion: Thrill

Don’t you just love falling in love? The butterflies, the goosebumps, the chills down your spine… and elsewhere! That feeling can be like lightning in a bottle—exciting as hell but almost impossible to capture and maintain. 

In my years of practice with real couples, the most common complaint in long-term relationships is boredom. They love their honey, but they’re not in love with them anymore. The thrill is gone, the excitement just isn’t there anymore, they wish they felt the way they did at the beginning. This is the place affairs start—whether it’s emotional or physical, a one night stand, secret sexts, or long-term infidelity—more often than not, it’s caused by boredom. Okay, Dr. Cheryl… you’re starting to freak me out a little. But here’s the thing: during my time working with those couples, I’ve developed actionable steps, exercises, and tools that you can bring home to your sweetheart and practice. You can start bringing thrill back into the picture—tonight. 

In this episode, I talk about Thrill, the second of the three keys to passion. I show how thrill is the missing piece in so many long-term relationships, and how a study involving a suspension bridge, a sexy fake psychologist, and arousal explains it allI also discuss why I don’t like to use the term “affair,” why exceptional relationships are not an accident, and how habit is the enemy of interest in a long-term relationship. Do yourself and your sweetheart a favor—put the effort in to make thrill intentional, and STOP waiting around for the passion to come and sweep you off your feet. 

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

  • To pump up your relationship thrill level, try my ridiculous-but-meaningful exercise with your sweetheart: Greet them like an overexcited Labrador Retriever when they get home from work tonight (Yes, really!) (08:49)
  • Great sex and great relationships aren’t created by tired gimmicks—they’re made by using research-based success tips and techniques. (10:08)
  • If you’re bored of your partner, it’s not because they’re boring. It’s because you’ve stopped trying to find them interesting. (12:20) 
  • Dr. Cheryl’s 50 First Dates Challenge: If your sweetheart didn’t have a clue who you were, how would you try to woo them? (15:59)
  • If you want thrill, you need to create it. (19:20)
  • When we do something exciting or when we’re more aroused physically from excitement,  we find people more attractive, and we’re more likely to act on it—and how you can test this theory out with your honey. (21:49)
  • Even skiing and horseback riding can get old if they’re a daily habit. The key to thrill is variety and a break in monotony. (22:53)
  • Your weekly LoveByte. (25:35)


  • What is the number one cause of cheating in long-term relationships? Most people in otherwise healthy long-term relationships stray because they become bored with their mate. Once the thrill is gone, they lose interest. 
  • How can I make my relationship more exciting? If you’re trying to bring the thrill back to your relationship, try breaking your set habits. Plan a new activity like horseback riding, salsa dancing lessons, or hiking. Better still, take your honey on a surprise outing that they’d never expect. 
  • Why is my marriage so boring? Relationships become boring when the people in them begin to lose interest and give in to the monotony. In order to crush the boredom, make thrill intentional and actively work on seeing all the interest your partner holds.


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