The First Key to Passion: Intimacy

How many exceptional couples do you know that have been together for more than a year? Couples that really seem to be in love, still get excited when their partner walks into a room, and have that sexual spark between them? Chances are, there aren’t a ton of people coming to mind right now. 

The harsh truth is, exceptional couples are pretty rare. In my practice as a psychologist and sex therapist, only about 5% of the couples I meet are what I would consider exceptional. Way to be a Debbie Downer, Cheryl! Well, stay with me, because I’ve also got good news: I’m going to teach you the three keys to a passionate relationship and give you real, actionable steps to elevate your own love affair to exceptional status. Great couples are not an accident, and Passion is a teachable skill. 

In this episode, I talk about Intimacy, the first of the three keys to passion. I cover why it’s so important to achieve emotional and psychological closeness with your partner and exactly what that looks like. I also teach you why conflict resolution is so integral to achieving deep trust and intimacy with your partner, as well as how to recognize the four most destructive argument tactics—and how NOT to make the same mistakes that I did! Exceptional relationships are rare, but with the right tools, teachings, and a healthy dose of hard work, they are achievable. 

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

  • Exceptional couples are exceptional because they’re strong in three key areas – the first is emotional and communicative intimacy. (04:40)
  • Intimacy is about psychological and emotional closeness—having your own, personal cheerleader and knowing they’re the person you want to immediately call when you get good – or bad – news (06:24)
  • Everybody fights. Learning to fight fair is what predicts relationship success – and your own happiness. (09:25)
  • The four destructive arguing styles – criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt – predict divorce if you don’t fix them  (11:37)
  • Anger is part of the human experience. You can still be emotional and even holler in your arguments—as long as you’re mindful of how you say what you say (19:40)
  • I share the story of a real-life couple who reignited their passion after they found themselves in a platonic” Marriage, Inc”  relationship (21:09)
  • Your weekly LoveByte. (26:45)


  • How can I build a stronger relationship with my partner? Couples in exceptional relationships have strength in three key areas. The first is psychological and emotional closeness – which includes skillful conflict management.
  • How do I reignite the spark in my marriage? In order to recapture the passion and romance you felt in your early relationship, you need to focus on the Three Keys to Passion: Intimacy, Thrill, and Sensuality.
  • What should I do if my partner and I are always fighting? Arguing in a relationship is natural, everyone does it. It’s important to pay attention to how you’re fighting and to make sure you’re not using damaging tactics that predict divorce. 

Are you in love the way you used to be?

Let me help with free tips to create the happy, passionate relationship you desire.