If you’re very young and foolish—or maybe you’re old and foolish—falling in love early on might feel like your sweetheart understands you and can see inside your soul like no one has ever done before. Of course, some of this may be true. That’s why you feel such an intense bond. But love is a hard gig. You and your mate are not actually the same person, disagreements will happen, and they do not have to indicate a bigger problem.
For the next few weeks, I’m sharing answers to some of the most asked sex and love questions I’ve heard in my career. These are the questions I hear over and over again, regardless of the time or place, answered for you and your honey.
Do healthy couples argue? That’s the question I’m taking on today—and the answer is hell yes. There are two ways to argue. One is destructive and can even predict breakup and divorce, while the other is constructive, healthy, and can even help you understand one another better.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- If you’re a flesh and blood human being attempting to be in love with another flesh and blood human being, you are going to disagree (03:07)
- The Big 3 issues that couples argue over: finances, kids, and sex (04:34)
- The two most destructive behaviors when arguing: criticism and defensiveness (05:38)
- If you don’t learn to take responsibility when you make mistakes, it’s a predictor of breakup (11:53)
- Healthy couples argue well, fight fair, and they don’t resort to the personal ugly global criticism and defensiveness (12:35)
- A few relationship hacks to help improve your communication (13:07)
- This week’s LoveByte (15:39)
- What are some things I can do to improve communication with my partner? When you’re going to talk about something a little challenging, touch each other before you start talking. It can be as simple as holding hands, or facing each other in two chairs and making sure your knees are touching.
- How can my partner and I have difficult discussions without it turning into a fight? Learn to make sympathetic noises during a discussion. When you’re listening to your partner, instead of jumping in and interrupting or disagreeing, noises as simple as, “Oh really?” Or, “Oh, that sounds tough.” As the speaker, you’ll feel much more connected, respected, and understood.
- My partner and I always end up in a shouting match—help! Learn to fight fair before you start your talk. Remember: they’re not your enemy, they’re your very best friend.