So, you’re in a long-term relationship and it feels like that honeymoon lust has disappeared. When you first got together, you couldn’t keep your tongues out of each other’s mouths and your hands off of each other’s bodies, right? These days, do you ever find yourself laying in bed next to your snoring spouse and wondering “Where did the passion go?”
Today, we’re going to bust two major myths about long-term lust and love. Because despite what the romantic comedies say, think like that in terms of your sex life, your relationship, and how we just aren’t built to stay crazy in lust forever.
Here’s the thing: life includes a lot of stages, and falling in love is only one of them. After dating comes real life, along with careers, mortgages, babies, aging… It’s a pretty wild ride. And the bedroom is only one part of it.
But there is a bright side. I have a plan to help you reignite your erotic relationship, even after those perpetual googly eyes have left the building. :)
In this episode, I answer a question from a couple in my online immersion program who are super worried that their relationship didn’t stay in the Rip-Each-Other’s-Clothes-Off stage forever. You’ll learn why scheduling sex is not unsexy and why exceptional couples plan for passion. Most importantly, I talk about how the natural evolution of long-term relationships is to lose spontaneous desire, so you and your partner are NOT broken. Good news – there is a second type of desire – and you can learn to master it.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- The three most important words I will ever say to you about love and sex (01:40)
- Jose and Talisha’s question– and why their “desire problem” is completely NORMAL (03:05)
- I bust the myth of the human “sex drive” (05:14)
- The biochemical cocktail behind spontaneous desire– AKA why lust can’t last (06:58)
- A prehistoric love story of lust, romance and… commitment? (12:04)
- Lack of spontaneous sex ≠ A broken relationship (14:32)
- To the rescue! Responsive Desire– and how to use it (15:30)
- The surprising definition of a “sexless” relationship (18:33)
- Adding sex as an item on your calendar– and why that’s NOT a bad thing (20:42)
- A little wisdom in the form of this week’s LoveByte (25:39)
People Mentioned in this Episode:
Resources Mentioned in this Episode:
- Book: Buddha’s Bedroom: The Mindful Loving Path to Sexual Passion and Lifelong Intimacy By Cheryl Fraser PhD
- Book: Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life By Emily Nagoski
- Article about Lust and Love Myths