Kill the Soulmate and Save your Relationship

September 13, 2015

Q I am in my 30’s and just went on a date with a really great guy, the first good one I’ve met in a long time. But I’m not sure if he is “The One”. I don’t want to settle if he isn’t my Soulmate. Am I being too picky?

A Sometimes I think the women of the world should file a class-action lawsuit against Mr. Walt Disney. Why? Because even 78 years after the movie Snow White hit the big screen, generations of little girls weaned on princess movies still truly believe someday their Prince will come. And any guy who isn’t everything she ever dreamed of gets booted straight into the frog-pond.

And don’t fool yourself into thinking the Soulmate myth is only held by little girls. Male or female, gay straight or bi, most of us are walking around seeking the perfect mate. Wake up people. There is no such thing as a “Soulmate”. No human can live up to the picture that you have created in your head.

“No” is a complete sentence. Stop trying to have it all.

June 17, 2015

Q: I’m a wife, mother, and bank manager and these days I feel like I am failing at all of it. I meditate each morning and do yoga, but I’m still tired, stressed and cranky and I drop more balls than I catch. Why am I so lousy at having it all?

A: You can have it all, providing the “all” includes a nervous breakdown. Forget life-work balance. Whoever came up with that concept needs to straddle a see-saw for a few moments and discover that a balancing act is inherently precarious, exhausting, and impossible to maintain. Many female patients come to me for help with anxiety and exhaustion. They are wracked with guilt that they can’t find time to make homemade cupcakes for the school bake sale because they have a year-end report to write.